Chugging through North Wales in his little motor car, Will the explorer spotted a sign saying there was a mountain zoo near Colwyn Bay. Needing a bit of cheering up, and a lover of animals, he hung a left and proceeded to climb the mountains. Among the many attractions in the zoo there were chimpanzees, which Will decided to see first. There were steps leading up to a vantage point on the enclosure, where he was able to view through a screen some ten or so simian characters. He laughed to himself as they sat with bored expressions on the wooden frames provided, and chuckled as one or two swung down to feed on bananas and suchlike from the ground below. Following their progress, Will’s eyes rested on a couple he hadn’t noticed before, cuddling each other as lovingly as homo sapiens in love do.
As he prepared to take photographs with his Nikon he was distracted by a schoolteacher’s voice as she guided some forty chattering children up the steps. At the top of the climb the kids ran excitedly to the viewing screen and parked right in front of Will’s shot.
“Excuse me,” he said, irked, “would you mind standing back while I take this picture?”
“Get lost,” said a rather ugly little boy.
Offended, Will looked to the teacher for support, explaining it was important he get this comical and amorous shot for his animal portfolio, adding that he was, in fact, here first. To his chagrin the teacher was far from obliging.
“We all have a right to see the animals,” she archly said, “and it matters not who was here first.”
“But I do need this shot,” Will protested.
“Well I’m afraid you’ll just have to wait,” she insisted.
Giving up the ghost, Will shifted to one side, his annoyance exacerbated as the ugly little boy flashed a victoriously toothless grin his way.
But then, annoyance turned to amusement as the female chimp began to go down on her mate, nibbling his belly then licking his testicles as he lay back with his arms behind his head in silent expectation.
“What’s it doing?” a little girl asked the teacher, who for once was stumped.
“She’s giving him oral,” grinned the ugly boy, looking for all the world like the missing link.
“Owen!” the teacher chided, “that’s not a nice thing to say!”
“It’s what my stepdad says,” said the missing link.
“Well we don’t want to hear,” the teacher stammered, “Let’s see the lions.”
“But I want to see what happens after she’s finished licking his balls!” protested the missing link, amid agreeable murmurs from his friends.
“We’ve seen enough!” snapped the teacher.
“But Miss Williams the monkeys are fun!” countered the missing link.
“I know but it’s time to see the lions!” she roared. And with that, coitus-interruptusly, she ushered the kids away, insisting they hold hands and follow close behind, the stroppy missing link refusing to join the chain.
Now Will was not at all a vindictive man, but listening to the descending protestations of forty kids and embarrassed teacher, he couldn’t suppress his mirth. Like the chimp, he got what he came for, then left the scene with his Nikon and glee.
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