Simian was always a monkey. Even at school he was the class clown, the prankster, the joker and the fool. Now, alongside his notebooks containing 1000s of witty one-liners are his diaries dating back to 1969, when he was tiny and corporal punishment was dished out to monkey and infant alike. This particular extract was the first time he ever got the stick.
“When I came home from school my mom asked if I had a good day and I said no because the headmaster gave me the stick for making a joke.
“That’s terrible!” she said, “What did you say?”
So I told her he set me a sum: if a man’s car does 50 miles to the gallon and his journey to work and back is 25 miles, how long will his tank of petrol last? And I said, “Till it runs out.”
“But in a way you were right,” laughed mom.
“I know,” I said, “at least all my friends laughed too.”
I would like to help a homeless writer