Trump (v) to pass wind, to flatulate, to emit digestive gases from the anus, especially with accompanying sound
Walker the rambler was walking ramblingly along the canal when he encountered a man.
“Morning,” said the man.
“Morning,” said Walker, “Walker.”
“Keith,” said Keith.
“Nice barge,” said Walker.
“It’s a narrowboat,” said Keith, rather impatiently thought Walker, “There’s a difference.”
“Forgive me,” said Walker. Slightly put out by Keith’s bluntness, and not wishing to ask what the difference was for fear of exacerbating the man’s ire, Walker resumed his walk.
But Keith, presumably feeling guilty for being gauche, resumed their chat by saying it was a lovely day.
“It is,” agreed Walker.
“Days like this I love to live on a boat you know.”
“Have you ever thought of living on a boat?”
“As a matter of fact I have,” said Walker, “Especially a narrow one.”
But Keith didn’t seem to get the irony, and even if he did he wasn’t in the mood for it. “Trouble is I’m not feeling too well,” he said.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” said Walker.
“Got the runs,” said Keith, “Me and the wife.”
“It is when you live on a boat. It’s a cassette loo. Damn thing’s full to bursting and we’re fifteen miles from the shit-hole.”
“Shit-hole?” asked Walker
“Shipley,” said Keith, “There’s a latrine but I call it a shit-hole.”
“I didn’t know you had to do that.”
“Of course,” said Keith, “We don’t just chuck it over the side.”
“No we don’t,” said his wife, coming up for air, “We observe all the rules, even when desperate. It all gets disposed of sensibly.”
“Quite,” said Walker, shuddering at the image, “Well I’m sure you’ll both feel better soon.”
“I thought that when I first come down with it,” said Keith with a wan look, “Bloody awful it was. I woke up with the wind and sensed something was up. I said so didn’t I, Anne?”
“You did,” said Anne, sympathetically, “You said something was up.”
“Right,” said Walker, beginning to feel uncomfortable and wonder where this was leading.
“I daren’t trump,” persisted Keith, “Every time I trump I shit myself.”
“Absolutely,” said Keith, “In hindsight I should’ve known better.”
“You mean with what you ate?”
“With what we heard on the radio. It said there’d be controversy with the trump administration.” And with that, Keith and Anne both burst out laughing as he put the narrowboat into gear and chugged in the direction of Shipley.
Pausing his walk for a cigarette, Walker reflected on the story and smiled to himself, knowing it was just that, a story, completely untrue, and unashamedly a ploy to drive traffic to his site because Trump was always trending. “I’m going slightly mad,” he thought. “That’s with being lonely. Nevertheless I’ll enjoy this cigarette, type the story up, insert the old dongle and post it. I’ll probably call it #Trump Administration.”
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